Him
by Sibelle
Summary: I tried with Marcus, and many others, but even as he held me, all I wanted was his arms wrapped around my waist. I wanted his lips to kiss mine. I wanted his voice to tell me loved me.


Him

**Hello everyone! This is my first story, and I hope you all like it! Reviews are most welcome! I hope you don't forget to leave one! ;) This is from Blair's perspective. I hope you all enjoy it.**

**Sibelle**

**-.-.-**

It seems that everything reminds me of him.

His eyes.

His lips.

His voice.

It's hard getting over someone you loved. No, love. What am I saying? I'm Blair Waldorf. I don't do this. It's over. I ended it.

He's hurt me so many times. No matter what I say or do, he just keeps going back to the same boy I grew up with. When he took my hand and jumped down from the rails, I thought he was back. My Chuck.

I was right of course, but only for a few moments. Only until I brought him home. However, the next day, he proved he was still Chuck Bass, the Motherchucker Basstard of the Upper East Side, no thanks to that ass Jack Bass.

I still remember the night when everything changed. When I decided that enough was enough.

"_I'm Sorry. I screwed up." He gave me the peonies. I took them, after finally deciding on what I was going to do. _

"_It's too late Chuck." I said. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't look at his eyes. "I've stood by you through all of this, but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer." Because lately, that's all you've been doing to yourself._

"_Jack set me up." That's your excuse?_

"_You have no one to blame but yourself." You did this to yourself Chuck, stop it. "I believed in you." There it was, he knew what was going to happen. "Your father believed in you. You…" I hesitated, but I had to say it. No matter what happens. "are the only one who didn't." You looked down. I'm sorry. I have to do this Chuck, because right now, at the rate we're going, we're just going to destroy each other. "All I wanted to do…was just…be there. And today when you called me your wife," Why did you look away? You said it. It can't be undone. " you made it sound like the ugliest word in the world." _

_I have to end this. This has to stop. Even if I'm breaking my own heart. _

"_Blair, please." Please Chuck, don't make this any harder for me. Don't look at me. Just let me say them without breaking down. _

_One more look, that's all I can spare myself, my last memory of you. _

"_I'm sorry…" Say it Blair. Say it._

"…_But I'm done." I can't look at you anymore. I'm afraid I'll just take it all back and hurt myself all the more. I looked down and saw your feet step back into the elevator and I heard the elevator ding. _

_I threw the peonies in the elevator floor by his feet when the doors started to close. _

_What would Aubrey have done if she were in my position? Would she turn her back on this? Or would she have closed the doors on this cruel romance? _

_It's time to grow up Blair. _

I haven't seen him since.

I remember our conversation that 'explained' why we couldn't say those three little words. At the time, it made sense. But it's because we didn't go through something that made us closer, although it cut us both deep. His father's death made me realize and have the courage to show him my real feelings. He needed me, and I needed him. Sometimes, I feel like it was a mistake that I said it, because I was only met with cruel words when I finally said them. However, now, I do not. It hurts me whenever I think if he ever loved me. He might have, but … no, I can't be sure. But at least he knows I felt. How I feel. At least he doesn't have to wonder if my feelings were ever real, or if I only really loved him because he had money.

It'd probably be easier to get over him with someone else, but it didn't work the first time, what makes me think it'll work this time around? I tried with Marcus, and many others, but even as he held me, all I wanted was _his_ arms wrapped around my waist. I wanted_ his_ lips to kiss mine. I wanted_ his_ voice to tell me loved me.

Will I ever get over him? I could. Once I finally want to let go.

Will I still see him? I hope not. He's Chuck Bass. He might have some beautiful, skinny, model attached to his hip at all times. She'll just represent what I had.

Will we talk? Knowing him and his mood swings? I have no idea.

Will I ever forget him? Never.

So perhaps, Bass, I'll keep you in the farthest, darkest and smallest corner in my life. There, you'll stay hidden and kept under lock and key until finally, you'll be involved in my life again. Where we'll be able to talk and the awkwardness stage has finally evaporated in a way that I can talk to you without the butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

But since you're Chuck Bass, I doubt that's going to happen anytime soon.

Let's do this 'getting-over-you' right, and I'll take it slow. Steady and surely, I'll start forgetting those flutters and short spasms. I'll forget the sound of your voice. Steadily, I'll stop envisioning your lips against mine, and someday, I'll stop longing for your eyes to look into mine.

**Ahhh, the pain of never knowing. So? Tell me what you think! Leave a review! Just press that nice button! **

**-Sibelle**


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